“According to 2009 data from the Census Bureau, 70.5 percent of black women in the United States had never been married — but those were women between the ages of 25 and 29. Black women marry later, but they do marry. By age 55 and above, those numbers showed, only 13 percent of black women had never been married.” These statistics were pointed out in one of Dr. Gilbert’s class lectures. Though they state that this is only true for a certain age group, I find it interesting that from my knowledge, I would think that this particular age group would be the MAIN group looking for marriage. Of course, this is my own opinion, but if this were true, what issues are going on with black couples that prevents black women, from the ages of 25 to 29, from getting married? Relationships within the black community have had multiple struggles such as societal stereotypes, contemporary issues, a lack of self determination, and a lack of responsibility, if we can fix some of this issues that we have as a community then we may lower the statistics of black women who have never been married, between the ages of 25 to 29.
In the article “In Search of Love and Commitment”, Chapman states “how devastating the stereotypes of the shiftless male and the hostile woman have been to Blacks, who internalize these images and bring the feelings associated with them into their relationships.” I think this is a valid point and reason why a lot of black couples struggle with their relationships. So many of black people are focused on either not being the “angry black woman” or not having relationships with “the angry black women” that we forget and fail to realize why that black woman is angry. Black women tend to be invisible to the American Society and this may lead to frustration. In order for us to be heard, we feel the need to be louder and forceful to make ourselves more present. When you pay more attention to the idea of a black woman being mad rather than the issue she is mad about, then of course all you are able to see is the “angry black woman”. For black men who are considered “shiftless”, this may have came about because of the opportunities that are not available for black men. If you have a greater chance of going to jail rather than getting a job, simply because society thinks your aren’t good enough, this could have an effect on your psyche.
Because of the stereotypes, contemporary issues also may affect black relationships in the black community. Bethea, in the article “African- American Women and the Male-Female Relationship Dilemma” points out that since they are “confronted by harsh realities of male selection, African- American women often pursue education as the path to social and economic security.” This may be why women who are between the ages of 25 and 29 have a lower chance of marriage, because they are too busy focusing on careers that will allow them to be financially stable. Black women are no longer looking for men to be their providers since they are failing to provide. Black men, however, have started to date outside of their race a lot more. Could this be because of black women are too “angry”? These issues could be playing into each other, only making it harder for black couples to have strong relationships with each other.
The last and main thing why black relationships are at a struggle is that they have forgotten about Nguzo Saba or haven’t had the chance to learn. Two principles that I think black couples are struggling most with is Self-determination (Kujichagulia) and Collective Work and Responsibility (Ujima). I think these two are most important when talking about black couples and relationships because you have to be self determined to know that only those who are in that relationship should define it and collective work and responsibility to understand that couples should share the effort of the relationship and take responsibility together. Self- determination would help couples understand that no one else should define your relationship but you. So many black couples now days have let the media, statistics, and other societal issues control their relationships. Karenga states that Collective Work and Responsibility “calls on us to reaffirm our relationship and responsibility to each other, to our ancestors, and to future generations.” This means to me that what you do now, will affect your relationships, family, and future generations. We are all in this together to save the generations that may come ahead. This mean that these issues that we are dealing with now within black couple must come to an end.
So many things that must come to an end, and so many problems to fix, and I think my class mates have helped me gather my thoughts to hit a couple of points of how we can change some of these issues. Moriah Holmes says in her blog for a solution that if we "Have both black men and women dissect and analyze the stereotypes that society had placed on them, and look at how they have carried over into their personal lives." Casee Patrick says in her blog that “Until we tackle the pressing issue of available black men being prisoners in the system and fix the problems with education and financial stability, we will see this barrier in black America continue in their relationships.” Laleh Mojtabaeezamani posts in her blog that Chapman says the “Blacks need to accept total responsibility TOGETHER so Black woman can be relieved of bearing social burdens alone and men don't feel undervalued and threatened.” This may be hard, but if we attack these issues with full force “TOGETHER” then I believe, a change within black couples will come, and more young black women (ages 25 to 29) will marry.
